Am I Too Big For Yoga?

I’d have never imagined that I’d be a converted yoga addict, let alone a yoga teacher yoga.

Why? More than anything I just assumed that I was too big in frame (at the very least) to take part in a yoga class. The reason I felt this way was due to the fact that during my career in fitness I’d often come across a variety of slim and small yoga teachers. I’d admire their slim, toned and beautiful bodies floating towards the studio. I’d observe the members waiting patiently for their fix of yoga, in their branded yoga clothing and almost quilted looking mats.

They too looked slim and toned. If I ever saw anything relating to yoga e.g. Yoga DVD’s, books, clothing, magazines and websites the people belonging to such a beautiful art form always appeared artistic and yes I say it again, slim. I remember wanting to try a yoga class just to see what all this fuss was about but I’d often stop and ask myself – am I too big to take part?

Not allowing your past to dictate your size and passion.

Fear is what holds us back from ourselves and our dreams and it was fear that was holding me back all those years ago. Where did this fear arise from? An experience during my childhood when I was told I was too big to take part in something.

I can’t remember my exact age but I remember being with my best friend Estelle and our mothers. We were taking part in an audition (I suppose that’s what you call it) for gymnastics. Which now, as a yoga teacher I see the similarities; the combination of strength including flexibility and grace but without the holistic element. During this audition I did everything they asked of me as I so wanted to learn gymnastics.

I literally jumped through and over hoops of a kind. I yanked myself up onto equipment, pulled pushed, strained through a series of obstacles and it was sheer mindedness and determination that got me through it. At the end I was beaming and I ran over to my mother who’d been speaking with the gymnastics teachers.

My mother pulled me to one side and told me that they were super impressed with me. They were amazed even at how I managed to do some of things asked but ultimately I was not suitable as I was too big. Big boned my mother called it. My darling you did so very well and I’m so proud but they could see what a struggle it was for you especially in comparison to some of your other friends that are well light and it’s just easier for them to do gymnastics.

Yoga does not discriminate, anyone can do it.

I’d love to tell you that my first experience of yoga was far removed from past experience at gymnastics but I won’t lie. Due to spending a long lifetime of feeling big boned, I walked into my first classes feeling that way. That was my baggage that I took in with me during those early days. Those early memories of yoga I remember being so externally focused on everybody else and fearing what others thought of me and that inhibited my experience. Everyone looked so focused. They knew what they were doing. Everybody appeared to have been doing this for years.

Everybody appeared smaller than me and I felt all I could do was watch on in admiration at these elegant shapes they were making with their bodies. I continued going as no one told me I was too big and my intrigue about this discipline kept me going back for more. Suddenly I realised that no one cared what I was doing, what I was wearing or how big I was. It was only me that was focused on everyone else. I started to do what the others were doing in class – just focus on what I could do during my time. Yoga welcomed me with open arms.

Yoga taught me to love the skin I was in.

During most of my years practising yoga and even today, rolls of skin and fat get in the way during some of the postures (yes I actually said fat). It’s normal to have fat on our bodies to a certain degree as this is what protects our bones and our body and the organs inside it – the cushion. I do have a bigger body and for once I’m not afraid of it. I don’t necessarily always look graceful on my mat either as I’m a big girl but I’m ok with it.

Initially, just like my gymnastics audition I would push and force my body into places desperately wanting to get into shapes and then I yielded finally. In yoga there’s an element of give and take with your body and once you learn and understand this relationship between your body and yoga you know when to give in and when to push a little.

I do have more flexibility since practicing yoga and more strength although I’m learning every day I step onto my mat to love the skin that I’m in. Yoga helps me make better decisions for my body. In turn these decisions that are (here’s the weird bit) actually helping me and body to become smaller. It’s not through trying or wanting or needing to be it’s just a beautiful by-product of yoga.